I can humbly admit that most people who meet me in person tend to like me right away. I’m generally described as a good friend who listens, and supports those she comes into contact with. However, growing up and even today sometimes I look around and don’t feel as though I have any actual friends. Though I know deep down in my heart I do, but somehow my head just doesn’t seem to agree with this. Why do I sometimes feel this way? Based on a recent conversation with my husband its because I have an idealized image of what friends do and how friends interact with one another. The problem with this image that I have is, yes some people have friends and interact with them in this way, but in reality those people are not true friends (at least its not very likely). So what is a friend and how do you know when you have a real one?
According to my husband you don’t have to talk or hang out with someone every day for them to be considered your friend. In actuality a true friend is someone who is there when you need them. They have your back, and they support you when your doing things right, and give you a talking to when your screwing things up. My husband knows that his friends will do any and all of these things for him. I on the other hand am not so sure. I have never given any of my friends a real chance to help me out. Instead I’ve always tried to deal with my problems on my own. It is probably for this reason that I’m so uncertain about who my friends really are. In many of my friendships I feel fake, like I’m using the individuals simply as a momentary escape out of my own head. In other words they are an excuse for me to be social for a few minutes or hours.
How do I see friendship? Think Hollywood Blockbuster films where women frequently meet for lunch or coffee to go girl gab, talk about their lives, and give each other advice on how to fix different issues. Sometimes they go on amazing adventures together where they meet strangers and get into a bunch of trouble together. They call each other about once a day or at least once a week and catch each other up on the latest going on in their lives. They know just about everything there is to know about one another because they have been friends for so long. This is how I always imagined friends behaved and bonded. Now as an adult I’m learning its not the case. I’m learning that I have to redefine and rework my imagination on what a real friendship looks like. I’ve already met my best guy friend in the world (My husband) and I don’t plan on letting him go.
What I need to do now is to find a girlfriend I enjoy spending time with and just like I worked to make the relationship happen with my significant other I need to work to make a lasting relationship happen with one of my female friends. So tell me How do you define friendship? Leave a comment below.